As our attitudes have started to open up when it comes to sex and sexuality, many things that were once considered taboo, or only for a certain sub-set of the population, are making their way into bedrooms up and down the country and around the world.
Anal play in particular has been something that was only talked about in very hushed tones. Gone are the days when playing with your bum is considered ‘gay’ – many a straight man enjoy exploring the delights of anal sex. And thanks to the adult toy industry, there are more ways than ever before to get your kicks when it comes to bum fun.
But before we get onto the toys, lets break down the ins and outs of the prostate and prostate massage. So grab a cup of tea, put your feet up and let’s go…!
What is the Prostate?
The Prostate is a small walnut-shaped gland that is located just underneath the bladder. The general purpose of the prostate is to produce an alkaline fluid that makes up 50-75% of the volume of semen during ejaculation
When a man ejaculates, sperm is transmitted from the testicles, into the urethra via the ejaculatory glands, which lie within the prostate. This process can be achieved solely through prostate stimulation (prostate massage) or anal sex.
How do I find my Prostate?
The best way of locating your prostate initially is digitally (using a finger). Using a bit of lube on your finger and insert into the anus. The prostate can be reached about 3 inches into the anal cavity – and if you bend your finger into a ‘come hither’ motion (so that you are essentially pointing to your tummy) – you should feel a small gland that feels like a walnut. This is the prostate. Don’t be alarmed if you don’t find it straight away. Everybody is a little bit different, and it can take practice to find it. But that’s part of the fun!
What is Prostate Massage?
Simply, Prostate Massage can serve 2 functions. Medically, it is used to check for Prostate Cancer, or to help get a specimen of Expressed Prostate Secretion (EPS) to check for conditions such as Prostatitis. However, over the years it has become a popular sexual activity among men (and not just gay men).
The main purpose of prostate massage is to achieve orgasm. The prostate is often referred to as the ‘male g-spot’. Prostate stimulation can help improve erection size and strength, and increase the overall power of an orgasm (more so than just standard penile stimulation). Many men perform it during solo masturbation, or as part of couple’s foreplay/intercourse. You can achieve prostate massage through various means: digitally (fingering), anal sex or using toys (although it doesn’t have to be a prostate massager specifically – it can be a dildo or a butt plug).
What are Prostate Massagers?
Prostate Massagers are toys made with the explicit purpose of massaging the prostate. They come in all sorts of shapes and sizes, but most follow a standard design, and this is a curved shaft with a tapered tip, to provide pin-point stimulation to the prostate.
Most prostate massagers offer a vibration function, providing a new sensation during prostate play. Others are just standard plugs (such as Aneros), which are used manually to provide stimulation. What type of massager you use is entirely personal preference. Some people like vibrations, some don’t – but there are plenty of different types of massager to choose from, for beginners, right up to the advanced player.
How to use a prostate massager?
Dependent on the exact shape and design of the toy, your usage will generally be the same, but with a few exceptions. To ensure maximum comfort when inserting any toy, the easiest way I have found is to lie on my side with my knees pulled up towards my stomach. You could lie on your back with your legs raised. The best thing to do is just experiment and find what works best for you.
Once you have found the toy for you, what you do next entirely depends on the function and design of the toy. Manual massagers like the Aneros range are best used by working your pelvic floor muscles – so when the device is inserted, you ‘clench’. Lay back, take it slowly – breathe in when you clench, breathe out when you release. The gentle movement of the massager is enough to stimulate the prostate. You do not need to use your hands to ‘move it in and out’.
With a vibrating toy, you can still apply the same ‘clench/release’ idea, but in reality, the vibrations from the massager will come into direct contact with the prostate. Some massagers have a base that rests against the perineum (the bit between your bum and your balls) – and when the prostate is stimulated from the outside, as well as inside – it really is an amazing feeling.
If you are using your fingers to give a prostate massage, make sure that your nails are trimmed. You can use a latex or nitrile gloves for hygiene if it helps. Once you have lubed up the finger and the anus, slowly insert. About 3 inches in, if you curve your finger upwards slightly you should then feel the prostate – it will feel slightly hard and wrinkly. All you will want to do is apply gentle pressure – move your finger round in circles. Do not forcefully ‘poke’ or ‘prod’ the prostate – as it is extremely sensitive and you could do some serious damage! If you are doing this yourself, stop at once if you feel any pain. If you are doing it for someone else, you’ll need to rely on them to tell you – but to be on the safe side, always go gently and slowly.
How to choose a prostate massager
Choosing the toy that’s right for you comes down to both preference and experience. If you are completely new to prostate massage, I would recommend initially going for something very small, or even just using your fingers. You need to ensure that whatever you use, you take your time and use PLENTY of Lube. It’s also important to be relaxed and not get frustrated if nothing happens on your first go. As you get used to the sensations, you can then start to work your way up to something bigger.