If you’re asking yourself “Am I Bisexual?” then here’s a handy checklist:
1. Gender doesn’t matter to you
Can a person be attracted to someone regardless of the junk they’re rocking down under? Heck yes! For bi peeps, it’s more about how you feel about a person. Their gender doesn’t always matter as much.
PSA: This doesn’t mean you’re going to be romantically or sexually interested in everyone.
2. You think TV or movie characters are hot
If you’re into Ross and Rachel… or Jim and Pam… etc. you might be attracted to multiple genders. Maybe you even noticed this when you were a kid.
Obviously, this isn’t a definitive test. But it could help you start an internal chat about what you want, what you really really want.
3. Conflicting feels
Bisexuality — or any sexuality — isn’t black-and-white. So bi feelings can be uber confusing, especially if you’ve preferred one gender your whole life.
These feelings are 100 percent normal. The confusion should get better over time once you explore your feelings and desires a bit more.
4. It doesn’t have to be 50/50
Sexuality isn’t one-size-fits-all. Everyone has their own romantic preferences and sex styles. Bi peeps are no different.
You don’t have to evenly divide your interest between all genders. You can go through periods where you’re more interested in one than another. Or you can prefer one gender romantically and another gender sexually. There’s no exact science here.
5. You question your dreams
You can analyze your dreams all day long but sometimes a cigar is just a cigar. Your dreams don’t have to mean much or anything at all. But if you can’t stop thinking about a bi-tastic dream, there might be a reason.
6. You dig the label
Sometimes the label “bi” just fits. If you feel comfortable with this label it’s a good indicator that you’re bi.
Keep in mind, you DO NOT have to label yourself as bi. You could also relate to labels like bicurious, biromantic, cupiosexual, fluid, queer, omnisexual, pansexual, panromantic, olysexual, or something else. You can also just say “no” to all labels which is totally cool too.
7. You relate to other bi or queer people
When a celeb comes out as bi or queer, do you feel a sense of pride? Or maybe there’s a new bi character on your fave show and you think, “IT ME!”
While this doesn’t mean you’re bi (you could just be stoked someone is coming out as their authentic self) it could be an indicator.
8. You dig different types of porn
TBH porn may not count for much. You can find a genre of porn super hot but also might not be into it IRL. But if you’re super drawn to porn actors of any gender it might be a sign you’re down for a bi experience.
9. You can’t stop thinking about it
If you’re daydreaming about a beautiful bi love affair on the reg, it might be a sign you’re into any gender.
10. You like how it feels
Fantasizing about sex can be the bomb. But until you do the deed for realz, you might not know if you actually like it. Plus, everyone is different. Maybe you just didn’t vibe with the person you hooked up with.
11. You took a quiz
Taking an online “AM I BI?” quiz prob isn’t the best way to see if you’re a card-carrying LGBTQA+ member 🏳️🌈. But sometimes these quizzes can help you understand how you really feel which is a good thing.
12. You have a crush or are in luv
A crush can hit you like a ton of bricks. But it can be even more “WHAT IS HAPPENING?” vibes if you have romantic or sexual feelings for someone of a different gender than you’re used to.
Even if your crush doesn’t turn out to be “the one” it could still be a sign you’re interested in that gender in general.
13. You take it personally when someone disses #BiLife
Bi folks have to deal with A LOT of smack from all sides of the sexuality spectrum. Plenty of people assume that bi people are extremely sexually charged and that is why the whole “gender doesn’t matter” thing exists. There’s also the stigma of “you’re not gay enough” or “you’re not straight enough.”
If you’re bi you might take these unfair stigmas personally or feel hurt or attacked by them:
- “It’s just a phase.”
- “You’re just greedy.”
- “You must be slutty.”
- “You’re down for threesomes.”
And the biggie: “Bisexuality isn’t real.”
Well, let’s end the debate right now:
Bisexuality 👏 is 👏 real 👏. You do you.
14. You can picture a long-term relationship with any gender
A good way to tell if you’re bi is to visualize a long-term partnership with someone from any gender. You might feel more comfortable with one gender than another. Or, it all sounds great.
FYI: Bisexuality doesn’t vanish when you’re with a new person. When a bi person is in a gay or straight relationship, they’re still bi.
15. The bi flag is a source of pride
When pink, purple, and blue are combined it’s a glorious thing 💖💜💙. (Yet there’s still no bi flag emoji UGH!)
When you start to accept and love your bi-mazing self, it’s pretty clear that you know who you are. And you should be proud!
16. It just feels right
At the end of the day, the most important thing is doing what makes you happy. If a bi lifestyle is what works for you, then go for it!
A Little more:
Thinking about the people you’ve been attracted to, so far in your life, were they all of the same gender?
If you answered “No”, to any or all of the questions in our list above then we feel it’s okay for you to call yourself bisexual. We don’t care how attracted you are to the genders around you – you’re bisexual as soon as you stop being exclusively attracted to only one gender.
That’s it. It really is as easy as that.
How you chose to self-identify is up to you – you can call yourself bi-curious, or pansexual, or biromantic, or omnisexual if you feel more comfortable with those terms. Some people identify as straight and have same-sex attractions. Some identify as gay and have different-sex attractions. How you label yourself is a matter of personal choice, but no matter what you add into the definition of gay, straight, or how you define bicurious or pansexual, the definition of bisexual as a sexuality remains very simple.
“Bisexual” adjective – attracted to more than one gender.
Some people describe their attraction as being to “men and women”. Our “more than one” definition for bisexuality covers this.
Some people see gender as fluid, or as having more options than two. They describe their own pattern of attraction as being to “all genders”. Our “more than one” definition covers this if they want to identify as bisexual.
Many people have attitudes about bisexuals, based around myths and assumptions, and these have been tagged on to the definition of bisexual over the years.
It’s time to strip those off. The greatest tool in awareness is language, and bisexual has a very clear meaning.
Don’t worry about not being a ‘proper’ or ‘true’ bisexual – it’s okay to have a preference or to only be attracted to one gender at a time for parts of your life. The dictionary definition does not say “currently”, or “equally”, or “simultaneously” or “only”, and neither does ours!
This is how we define it: A bisexual is someone who is attracted to more than one gender. You might care about the gender of your partner a lot, a little, or not at all – but their gender doesn’t prevent you from being attracted to them.
If you are in the process of figuring out your bisexuality, it is likely that you will encounter mixed messages out there in the world, and they won’t always be supportive. Some people have pretty intense hangups and fears about sex, doubly so when it comes to sexuality that is different from their own. But, this isn’t about them and their issues. This is about you.
There is no right or wrong, better or worse sexuality:
If you figure out you are straight, that’s wonderful.
If you figure out you are gay or lesbian, that’s wonderful.
If you figure out you are bisexual, that’s wonderful too.
The only “mistake” you can make is to be untrue to yourself and try to live a life that is someone else’s vision. Figure out what makes you tick and what makes you happy. Take precautions to protect yourself physically and mentally, and discover your true self sooner, rather than later. As the saying goes, it’s better to regret the things you did than regret the things you didn’t do. It’s your life and you have to live it. Make it wonderful.
