As with all sexual activity, practice makes perfect! You may find it takes you some time to get used to anal sex and the sex positions that suit you, but once you’re relaxed and at ease with it, you’ll most likely find anal intercourse a source of great pleasure.
Of course, one of the big issues for gay men having anal sex for the first time is whether they see themselves 
as “active” or “passive”. In other words, what sex position do you take? Top or bottom? And what does that say about your masculinity?
There’s an image of the active, masculine, man as being the one who fucks the passive, less masculine, man during gay anal sex – but in reality, both partners are active to some degree. The man taking his partner’s penis is capable of thrusting his hips, moving his pelvis and enjoying the sex just as much as the man who’s doing the penile thrusting. More recently, gay men having sex have been called the “top” (the one doing the penetration) and the “bottom” (the one being penetrated).
This is better terminology, but it can get confusing if the bottom is, for example, sitting in his partner’s lap, since you might argue he was then on top! If you’re confused, don’t worry – all will become clear. In fact it’s probably time to abandon the notion of active and passive sex positions, and think of one’s own sexual position as something that can change from time to time.
What makes anal sex pleasurable? If you don’t already know, a man’s prostate gland is in an ideal position to be stimulated during anal sex when his partner’s penis presses on it through the wall of his rectum.
The more a sex position that makes that happen, the more pleasurable it will be. (In addition, different sexual positions suit different shapes of erection, as we shall see.) In fact, the prostate will be stimulated by the thrusting of a penis, or finger, or dildo, or anything else introduced into the rectum.
And this pressure on the prostate is responsible for much of the pleasure that the man receiving his partner’s penis will actually feel; but the whole area around the anus is erotically sensitive, and of course there’s the emotional thrill of having sex as well.
If you’re new to anal sex, the first thing to do is get comfortable with your own anus. You can wash it, lube it up with oil or sex lubricant and gently caress and finger it during masturbation: this will begin to open you up to the erotic possibilities of the area, and get you used to the feeling of being penetrated – albeit by your own finger.
Next, ask your partner to play with your anus as you enjoy mutual masturbation. The idea, of course, is to learn in steps, and not to expect to know or do everything at once; the basic idea of anal sex is simple, even if you’ll need to experiment with the actual sex positions you’re going to use.
And as you go along, you’ll also find out what sex itself – and interacting with someone else in this most intimate way – means to you, and what it tells you about yourself.
As far as anal sex positions are concerned, you’ll probably want to try both roles – that of penetrator and that of being penetrated. You might find one more rewarding or pleasurable for you, or you might like both.
The basic sex positions for anal intercourse are simple enough. Possibly the most common position is to have one partner kneeling behind the other.
To get into this position for sex, you may well find it useful to play with your partner’s anus to relax him and open him up. In the early stages of sex, you can stimulate his anus with your fingers or mouth and gently encourage him to relax and get used to the feeling of being penetrated.
An enjoyable variation on sex in this position is to have the receiving partner lying flat on the bed on his stomach, perhaps with his hips raised a little on a pillow if that makes penetration easier. Though this can be a relaxing position, the bottom guy can’t move as freely, and the guy on top can’t thrust as deeply.
In these anal sex positions, passion and power can really take a hold. It’s certainly a very exciting position for the man who’s thrusting, and he can often get carried away in his excitement!
And the excitement isn’t limited to the man on top, for the bottom man – that is to say, the man taking his partner’s penis – can thrust his hips back and forth or move them in a circular movement: he certainly doesn’t have to be passive in this sex position – or indeed in any other.
Generally, though, most of the pelvic movement will come from the man who’s penetrating his partner – and this may actually be more satisfying for both men. The active partner – the top – enjoys the power and sensation of his thrusts, while the passive partner – the bottom – gets the pleasure of receiving a penis into his body and the erotic sensations which go with this (like the stimulation of his prostate).
Even though all anal sex positions will provide some stimulation to the prostate, you won’t be surprised to hear that some are better than others for this – and to some extent this depends on the size and shape of the top’s penis. What that means in practice is that you’ll probably need to experiment to find the position which gives you the greatest pleasure during anal sex.
For example, a guy with an upwards curving erection like this:
may give his partner more pleasure if he fucks him in this sex position:
And a guy with a downward curving erection like this:
may give his partner more pleasure if he fucks him in this sex position:
It’s all about the getting the curve of his erection oriented so that his thrusts press on his partner’s prostate.
It’s also true that some anal sex positions are more tiring than others, so you’re going to find that you can keep going in some of them for longer than you can in others. Still, changing position during sex can be part of the fun.
Sexual Problems You May Encounter
Just a word about common sexual problems. Gay men are no less susceptible to the common male sexual dysfunctions than are heterosexual men: premature ejaculation, male orgasmic disorder – otherwise known as delayed ejaculation – and erectile dysfunction.
You probably know what is meant by premature ejaculation – it’s the tendency of men to ejaculate too quickly as defined by the fact that neither they not their partner has received the sexual satisfaction which they would wish for. We have constructed an information resource with a self help treatment program which should help to alleviate some of the difficulties associated with rapid ejaculation. If you’d like information on the occurrence and treatment of sexual dysfunction in gay men go here.
Anal Sex For Gay Men – The Second Group of Sex Positions
Maybe the most enjoyable position for men who are in a relationship is the classic “missionary” position. This is where the partners lie on each other facing each other. It’s an intimate position that allows eye contact and a lot of bodily contact during sex.
As you might expect, there are many different variations on the basic position – a few of which are shown in the pictures below. The challenge for the man on top will be supporting his weight on his arms as he fucks his partner, though the “edge of the bed” sex position shown below can help with that, and it’s also a position which gives him the pleasure of seeing his penis entering and leaving his partner’s body as he thrusts.
Anal sex in this position isn’t too difficult. But once again, it can be very helpful to start with some gentle play that opens up the “bottom’s” anus – that’s to say, the “receiving” man’s anus; or, if you prefer, the man being penetrated.
Provided he’s washed and perhaps even used an anal douche (a small amount of warm water to wash out the rectum) there won’t be a problem with hygiene. As the photos demonstrate, you can always combine fellatio with anal play, a combination that can really relax the receiving partner.
Being uninhibited is a great help here, of course. If you’re hung up over the size of your cock, for example, or on positions of sexual politics (e.g., what does it mean if you let someone fuck you?), or around potential hygiene problems, then you’re going to have a lower level of sexual arousal – and probably satisfaction – than you otherwise would.
Once the man being penetrated is relaxed and ready, it’s a matter of applying plenty of lubricant – and “plenty of lubricant” means as much as will make the sex slippery and easy, for the anus has no natural lube of its own to help the penis slip in. After that, successful sex depends on finding the orientation of your bodies that will allow you to thrust and receive thrusts in comfort.
The moment of first penetration can be incredibly exciting for both partners, but for a novice receiver it needs to be done very slowly, so that his anus can relax as his partner slowly moves in. It’s often a good idea for the penetrating partner to push the head of his penis in a little way, then withdraw, then push in again.
This allows the receiver to get used to the idea of being penetrated, and still allows him some sense of being in control. Needless to say, if it’s uncomfortable for either partner, you should stop and talk about it, and perhaps try another sex position.
Kissing and intimate contact with your partner is a very enjoyable source of pleasure during sex, but remember that you may also need to communicate!
Good sex sometimes just flows naturally out of each partner’s desire, but more often it works better when the two men communicate, telling each other what they like and don’t like, asking for help if they need it (like when you’re trying to get your penis into your partner, you can always ask him for help guiding it in), saying what position they want to try, and making a joke or laughing about anything that’s not going so well.
The position shown in the photo above is one where passion and excitement can take a hold and provide an incredible rush of sexual excitement for the “top”.
He can see the effect of his sexual power on his partner as he fucks him, can kiss and hold him as he does so, and the bottom can reciprocate with passion, perhaps even wanking himself as his partner fucks him (though of course there’s no reason why his partner can’t do that as well) so that the couple has the possibility of a simultaneous orgasm – which can bring the level of sexual energy to an incredible peak for both men.
And by bracing himself as shown in the second photo above, the top can gain extra leverage and thrust harder, which may make their sex even more exciting for both men.
