Helping Your Child Navigate Puberty: A Parent’s Guide to Understanding the Changes
Puberty can be confusing and challenging for both parents and kids. Learn how to support your child through these important developmental changes with practical advice and expert tips.
When Does Puberty Start?
Most girls begin puberty between ages 8 and 13, while most boys start between 9 and 14. However, starting earlier or later can also be normal.
Puberty starts when the brain sends signals through hormones. Hormones are like messengers that tell the body what to do.
For Boys: Hormones tell the testicles to produce testosterone and sperm.
For Girls: Hormones tell the ovaries to produce estrogen and start releasing eggs.
Other hormones, made by the adrenal glands (located on top of the kidneys), cause changes like growing pubic and underarm hair, body odor, and acne.
What Physical Changes Happen During Puberty?
For Boys:
- Puberty usually starts with the testicles getting bigger.
- Dark, curly hair begins to grow above the penis and on the scrotum.
- The penis and testicles will grow larger, and erections become more common.
- Boys may start to experience ejaculation, which is when semen (containing sperm) is released. This can happen during sleep, known as a “wet dream” or nocturnal emission.
- Later, hair grows under the arms and on the face. The voice starts to crack and deepens.
- Some boys might notice some breast growth (called gynecomastia), which usually goes away within 6 to 18 months.
- The body shape changes as the shoulders broaden, and boys gain weight and muscle. A growth spurt usually occurs between ages 12 and 15, and most boys stop growing by age 16, although muscles continue to develop.
For Girls:
- The first sign of puberty is usually breast development, starting with small, tender lumps (called buds) under one or both nipples. Breasts grow over the next year or two.
- Dark, curly hair begins to grow on the labia (the folds of skin around the vagina) and later in the pubic area and under the arms.
- The body shape changes as the hips widen, and girls gain weight and body fat.
- The first period (menstruation) typically occurs about 2 years after breast buds appear, usually between ages 9 and 16.
- Most girls have a growth spurt about 1 to 2 years before their period starts. After getting their period, they usually grow about 1 to 2 more inches before growth stops.
What Emotional Changes Happen During Puberty?
Navigating Emotional Changes During Puberty
Puberty can be an emotionally challenging time for both kids and parents. It’s important to support your child and not take their behavior personally as they go through these changes. During this time, your child may:
- Become more focused on their appearance and clothing.
- Care deeply about what their peers think of them.
- Experience mood swings.
- Desire more privacy.
- Prioritize friendships over family.
- Show less affection toward parents.
This is also when peer pressure can become more intense. It’s crucial to talk with your child about the choices they’ll face regarding drinking, smoking, drugs, and sex. Even if they don’t seem to be listening, your opinions and guidance are important.
Keep an eye out for signs that your child may need extra support. Puberty can trigger issues like anxiety, depression, and eating disorders. Encourage open conversations about their feelings and help them develop healthy ways to cope with stress. If your child seems very sad, stressed, has changes in appetite or diet, loses interest in activities they used to enjoy, talks about self-harm, or exhibits other concerning behaviors, contact your doctor right away.
Common Puberty Concerns
As kids grow and mature, they may have questions or worries about the changes they’re experiencing. Here are some common concerns:
- Body Odor: Encourage your child to bathe or shower regularly. Using deodorant or antiperspirant can help manage body odor.
- Acne: Remind your child to wash their face once or twice a day with a mild soap or gentle cleanser and warm water.
- Penis Size: Assure boys that there’s a wide range of normal penis sizes.
- Breast Size: Explain that breasts come in various shapes and sizes. It’s also normal for one breast to be larger than the other.
- Erections and Ejaculation: Let boys know that erections can happen spontaneously, even without sexual thoughts or touch. Ejaculations may occur during masturbation or as nocturnal emissions (wet dreams).
- Masturbation: Explain that masturbation is a normal part of growing up, allowing kids and teens to explore their bodies and discover their sexuality.
- Vaginal Discharge: Girls may notice a thin, clear, or whitish discharge on their underwear 6 months to a year before their first period. However, changes in color, itchiness, or unpleasant odor may indicate an infection.
- Weight Gain: Some kids may struggle with body image as their bodies change during puberty. Be supportive and talk about self-esteem and body positivity.
- Questions About Gender: Some kids may feel uncertain about their gender identity. Encourage open conversations and consider seeking support from a pediatrician or counselor if needed.
- Strong Emotions: Help your child manage strong emotions and mood swings by encouraging them to talk about their feelings and explore coping strategies like deep breathing, meditation, exercise, writing, or art.
When Should I Call the Doctor?
Every child experiences puberty at their own pace, but you should contact your doctor if:
- Your son starts showing signs of puberty before age 9.
- Your daughter starts showing signs of puberty before age 7.
- Your daughter shows no signs of puberty by age 13.
- Your daughter hasn’t had her period within 5 years of breast development.
- Your daughter hasn’t had her period by age 16.
- Your son shows no signs of puberty by age 14.
- Your child expresses a strong desire to be another gender (gender dysphoria).
You should also call the doctor if you’re concerned that your child:
- Is experiencing extreme anxiety, stress, or depression.
- Is engaging in risky behaviors such as drinking, drug use, smoking, or unsafe sex.
- May harm themselves or others.
